Oxygen Chambers…And Many Other Things

hyperbaric medicine MelbourneI think I remember us having a career seminar back in school on how to calculate taxes. Then I actually started working, and it turns out that not only is tax taken out automatically, you can also just pay some accountant a pittance and they’ll sort it all out for you. Or you can just use the government system, which takes about five minutes longer.

So thanks, school system. Thanks so much for teaching me THAT, when you could’ve been teaching me how to deal with a friend who’s just joined a cult and is trying to get you to join as well. Would’ve come in mighty handy right about now.

It all started when we had to do this project for our night class on the integration of hyperbaric medicine available in Melbourne, and how it could impact the future of the medical field. Sounds…tame. But then Kira starts looking into other stuff to do with oxygen, and she stumbles across this website. No, sorry, let me say it in her words: she ‘heard the calling of the moon’. Anyway, now she thinks that she’s going to go and live in a lunar kingdom, and it’s going to be a perfect utopia, and they’re going to have a dome full of trees and a private rover each so they can explore and…well, it’s all she talks about now.

It’s a bit of a leap from just looking at hyperbaric medicine, I know. Technically we’re still both on the project, but now all Kira talks about is how she’s going to research all about the portable hyperbaric chambers for sale in Melbourne and use the technology to create a shining future. On the moon. Of course, now I’m thinking I need to bundle Kira into a hyperbaric chamber so she can get a bit of oxygen in her brain and see what she’s talking about. Apart from that, I’m just (badly) deflecting a lot of our conversations. She wants me to join her, obviously. Mmm…no thanks. I’ll stick with the oxygen we have here in Earth.


Hyperbarics saved my house robber

portable hyperbaric chamberI have a great big fish tank at home. It’s quite an impressive display. It’s actually super deep with a glass top you can see down into. It’s about 50 feet deep and contains my collection of rare and expensive tropical fish. There’s my candy basslet Pinkman. A bit of an exhibitionist, she likes to swim laps around the centre of the tank. Then there’s my masked angelfish, Mr Swimmy, he likes to hide behind some rocks at the bottom. I think he’s scared of my Platinum Arowana, King, who really is the boss of the tank. Anyway, my beautiful expensive collection of pet fish were recently almost stolen by a house robber. But that’s not the worst thing that happened. If it wasn’t for my portable hyperbaric chambers, I’d be facing serious charges right now.

What happened was, he came in while I was asleep, probably thinking that the house was empty. But when I got out of bed, I caught him with his hands in the fishtank reaching for my $400,000 Platinum Arowana. I told him to freeze, and rushed towards him to save my precious fish, but in the process I knocked him into the tank. Mr Swimmy and Pinky were swirling frantically around while their home was being invaded by a huge balaclaved head. King stood by, which a barely perceptible smirk on his face.

I have never in my time seen a man sink like he did. I had to grab my snorkel gear just to fetch him out of there. I knew I might get sued for this, even though I was defending my own property. I had to think fast, Melbourne hyperbaric oxygen therapies have been known to save lives, so I put him in mine. When the man came to, he couldn’t remember a thing, and praised me for saving his life. I promptly called the police. Nobody touches my fish.