Little Guy’s Agent

I like to consider myself a hero to small people. Like, the literal small people. I’m a buyer’s advocate, you see, and I have marketed my business around helping people who look like they aren’t old enough to buy a home do exactly that. After all, it’s not their fault that they have the face of a child when they are actually a fully grown adult. Why should they not be able to buy a home?

My story begins when I was just a junior buyer’s advocate. Melbourne was a crazy place at the time, back in the 90s. I was working for this big agency, taking my lunch break on a warm summer’s day. I saw someone enter through the front door, looking like three little boys stacked on top of each other in a trench coat. I knew better, though, because nobody would be stupid enough to actually try that. Therefore, it stood to reason that they were not actually three kids in a trench coat, but merely a fully grown adult who just looked oddly suspicious.

So, you can imagine my horror when the receptionist calls over the boss, and he tells this, unfortunately, suspicious man to get lost because he isn’t old enough to buy a house. I thought my boss was a buyer’s advocate in the Kew area that treated everyone fairly. It turns out that was wrong. Like, did he just assume that person’s age? 

He was just a judgemental monster, so I quit right then and there, swearing to start my own buyer’s advocacy that stood up for people like Mr Business, my unfortunate friend and first-ever client. I can’t even describe the pride that went through me when he bought his house. I shook his hand, which because of his birth deformities looks and feels like a broom, and told him to enjoy the rest of his life.

I’ve been standing up for the adults who look more like children ever since. It’s a really rewarding job, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.

Fear of Lost Keys

lost keysI’ve had a lot of experiences in the property market, worked a number of jobs and filled a lot of different roles. I’ve seen prices rise, fall, rise, rise some more and then rise again. I used to sell houses to Baby Boomers before they were actually called that, back in my real estate days. When I realised that Melbourne’s conveyancing lawyers needed some manpower, I switched careers to keep things fresh.

Still, in all my years, I’ve never seen anyone who seems terrified at finally owning a home. The handing over of the keys is always an important moment, as you’d expect. It sort of completes the whole process, without paperwork. We do all the conveyancing, everything is set in order, the house is cleaned up and ready to go (not by us, of course) and the only thing left to do is hand over the keys. Everyone else I’ve ever been through this process with has been overjoyed. Some show it less, but even the grumpiest, most un-emotional people seem to have a bit of new life when they get those little shiny objects that mean they no longer have to rent, and an entire house is theirs.

Well, all except this family. There were four of them, parents and two older children. I had three sets, and it took a bit of prodding from the others before the father would even come forward. I offered the other sets to the rest of them, but they seemed to shrink and didn’t take them. The father took the rest like they were about to explode. I asked if something was wrong, and he attempted a laugh as he explained that it was a huge responsibility, owning keys. Anything could happen. They knew the conveyancing process involved this, but perhaps they weren’t ready.

Eventually I got them out the door, after which I realised that he’d dropped a pair in the car park on the way out. And now, I’m worried. Conveyancing solicitors can’t really do much for people locked out in the rain.

Problems With Being a Tycoon

investmentLife is tough for a business tycoon such as myself. I might own over 50 properties around Melbourne, Sydney and Brisbane, but even though I pay people to do it for me, the complaints still trickle upwards.

The house is cold, I kicked in the door and now it won’t go back on the hinges, my daughter hasn’t been doing well at school since we moved in here…the complaints just go on and on, and sometimes I can’t do anything about it. How am I supposed to know what’s happening at the school of some girl in a city I’ve never been to?


If I didn’t have my Carlton conveyancing team handy, I might just be throwing myself out of a window. Into a pool of money. It would make me feel better, but it takes time to with draw all the cash and sometimes the coins can get lodged in odd places. No, conveyancing lawyers are really what help. When buying a property, I really don’t want to have to deal with all the paperwork. Some people only ever buy one house in their lifetime, and I’m probably going to be buying even more before my tycoon dreams can be realised. Thus having someone who can verify all the paperwork, who knows the property game…all very useful. Of course, I know more about property than most. I’m an expert, you might say. It’s what I do for a living, and I have to know my business so I can reap the benefits. But a bit of extra help is always a bonus, and I don’t mind parting with a small piece of my fortune for a small piece of mind. That way, I can reduce my daily workload from ‘hardly anything’ to ‘pretty much nothing’, except when surfing the web for more properties to add to my collection. I mean…my portfolio. See, hanging around these conveyancing solicitors has given me all the lingo I need to run a business. A sort-of business.

Conveyancing Rolling Stone

travelThe world is a much bigger place than people realise, which is why
I’m always travelling. I save up everything I can, just so I can head
out on some wacky adventures every time I have a holiday. It’s the
experience that really counts, you know? I eat off paper plates and
have never stayed in the same house for more than a year. My only
chair is a beanbag. You get it.
But my job? I do conveyancing in Clifton Hill. Bit of a strange
swerve, right? It’s a job I got into for the numbers side of things,
mostly. I do love that number crunching, and you can guess what game
I play a lot during those long airport layovers (it’s Sudoku,
obviously). Anyway, conveyancing works well for me. It’s a good job,
solid hours, decent holidays, satisfaction of seeing people who might
be buying a home for the first time, all of it and more. And
yet…it’s at odds with me and my character. Or rather, I thought it
See, I’m a free spirit. I have to GO places to really feel alive. And
yet as I see people buying homes, and I’m the one who’s helping with
the process, I feel a bit of a tug. I DO love to travel. I love to
see new places, be a rolling stone and generally not adhere to any
sense of permanency. And yet on the flip side, I see how happy
getting your own place can make people. And yes, it’s extremely
happy. I shouldn’t like that as much as I do. After all, buying a
home is like the ultimate in being tied down. Once you have an entire
property, you can’t really move in many directions. A conveyancing
lawyer can’t just up and transfer you somewhere else, you’re there to
stay. And yes, that’s a little bit scary for anyone, but that’s why
property conveyancers exist: to help you make the right decision. So
what’s my right decision? Is it ever time to settle down? For someone
who’s supposed to be helping other people with that, I don’t think
I’m doing too well.