Anybody Like Glass Balustrades for Christmas?

glass balustrades“This Christmas, give the gift of…cards. Give a gift card.”

Ughh, I swear…Christmas is the harshest of times for advertisers, and by extension, advertising agencies. Everyone is competing with everyone else to create the perfect bit of advertising gold that squeezes out both tears and wallets, and the bottom-rung agencies like us get stuck advertising the worst stuff. I spent all day today trying to come up with a unique angle for gift cards. GIFT CARDS. I’m sorry, but if you get someone special to you a gift card, then you’re a bad person.

Meanwhile, Joe sitting next to me gets the glaziers. Experts in Melbourne who specialise in high-quality glass services, blah blah drone blah! There’s so much to say on the subject of glazing compared to gift cards, it makes me sick. I swear, Joe times his commute so he always gets to the office two minutes before me and swipes all the good clients. No, don’t leave any glaziers for me, Joe. I’ll write about gift cards and private investigator firms, all the while trying to follow a brief that instructs me to ‘inject a dose of festive cheer.’ Merry Christmas! Unless your spouse is cheating on you, in which case, not a merry Christmas at all.

Not that window repairs and glass balustrading is exactly festive, but still, it’s ostensibly a gift. A husband could have the stairs remodelled in time for Christmas day. They could have the lounge windows extensively remodelled. And then there’s the new year to consider, with everyone making changes and getting stuff done to the house.

I know gift cards are ostensibly gifts, but there’s not much to say about them, and I still maintain that they don’t make *good* presents. Not good like waking up on Christmas morning to find that Father Christmas has come in the night and remodelled your staircase into elegant glass balustrading. Now THAT would be a Christmas to remember.


The Mysterious Past of Old Gill

business law MelbourneOld Gill is at it again. Always good for a laugh, even if every now and then I just have to stop laughing because it feels cruel. This time he was trying to tell me that he had a hand in starting Melbourne’s cupcake industry, and that if it hadn’t been for him and his relentless campaigning worldwide, cupcakes would now be a forgotten art.

Everyone at the home has a soft spot for old Gill, but you can’t help wondering where he came from. No paperwork, no relatives, no nothing. Just an old fellow with a mixed up accent and VERY differing stories as to his own past. One of the most consistent pieces of his tale is a commercial law firm based in n Melbourne. He seems to know the city pretty well, so I’m thinking there’s a grain of truth in there. And then every now and then he’ll throw in these legal terms…like, really quite complicated ones, used in the right context. I don’t have a property lawyer on hand to confirm it all, but we DO have a lady who used to be a nautical lawyer, and she’s very lucid. Says that Gill seems to know what he’s talking about.

Almost has me convinced sometimes, until he starts telling another tale of how he drove around Melbourne in his Conflict Resolution-Mobile, solving marital problems and eventually landing a multi-million-dollar TV show deal that was buried when his jealous brother returned from where he’d faked his own death and stole it all away, erasing Gill’s name from existence. Never a dull day in the wonderful city of Melbourne. 

Or some other, totally different story. Depends on the day…but the Melbourne commercial law seems to be the most likely. But then, the way he is now, we’ll probably never know. Unless some Melbourne business law firm still has his picture up as employee of the month, 1972.