As a purveyor of all glorious dark things, I think it’s about time I got myself just the right house in which to put them. I’ve got a whole collection of macabre artwork that deserves a grand gothic interior to hang against, and I’ve got a series of gory sculptures that would look great in a dungeon-like setting. If I lived in Scotland I could rent a castle, but Melbourne is sadly lacking in castles.
Now anyone who’s serious about property knows that the only way you can get something this specific when you’ve got niche tastes and eclectic interests, is by hiring buyers advocates in Melbourne. Buyers advocates have special insider knowledge. I don’t know how they get it really, but when a house goes for sale rather secretly, or only to the knowledge of a select few elites, the buyers agent is in the know.
A friend of mine recommended a few property advocates around Melbourne. He’d had a good experience when he was looking for an ex-gangster house. He wanted something that an infamous gangster had lived in because he was well aware of all the brilliant add-ons it would have – racking fold out benches, hidden safes and vaults. The buyers agent he went with helped him find the perfect house which once belonged to a member of the Carlton Crew. This gives me hope that my somewhat unusual requests may be met.
In my case, I’m going to need someone who knows more about the history of Melbourne. For instance, few old homes were built during the gothic revival period, and even fewer after this era bear the signature of this architectural style. Then there are places that have a haunted history, and the buyers advocate is going to have to be well informed on this history. There are houses built on erstwhile private cemeteries, where many of the bodies still remain forgotten undergrounds. Either that or a pink cottage by the sea.