Re-Learning the Green Thumb

Hyacinth Gypsy PrincessIt’s not weird, taking a night course on how to grow plants…right? I mean, some of us just aren’t gifted in that area. I, in particular, struggle with all of that…business. Alright, I’ve killed everything I’ve ever grown. It’s true! If there was some kind of plant-based police, I’d be public enemy number one, a dangerous serial killer whose good intentions have claimed dozens of victims. Part of it is because I’m forgetful- the complete lack of watering is why the hyacinth bulbs I planted didn’t go anywhere- and the other parts, I’m not sure. I suppose I’ve never been one for instructions, because it conflicts with my devil-may-care attitude and lack of regard for protocol. Huh, maybe that’s it.

But then I was reading the paper, looking for used Cadillacs as I tend to do on most mornings, and then I saw it. Plant course, free! Well, the first lesson is free, and you can see how you like it. They tell you how to grow anything you could imagine, right from tulips and daffodils and culminating in that weird flower that only blooms once per year. Personally, I’m fine with just the tulips, but I’ll take what I can get. See, my parents always had the most beautiful garden, and now that I have a place of my own I think they expect me to at least make SOMETHING of it. At the moment, all I have is grass, dirt and a really scraggly tree that’s currently dropping these sharp little leaves all over the doorstep and ruining the mat. No, I need some education, and I can’t just ask Mum because it’d be embarrassing. Like, “Hi Mum, everything you taught me went in one ear and out the other, what a failure I am, want to teach me everything you know again?”

I have to do this by myself. All they want you to bring for the first lesson is a set of tulip varieties, to start off. Maybe this time, under the watchful eye of a teacher…I can grow something to make my parents proud.

-Angelina

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Inside Scuffle, Taking Risks

tulipsThose superhero movie universes sure are taking off. I can’t quite believe we’re up to Phase 3 of the Marvell Cinema Multiverse; seems like just yesterday that we were eagerly awaiting Revengers while staving off all the naysayers who thought it was going to flop. And then PC decides that they want their own universe and…well, it’s a bit late to the party, but it could still work.

What I’m really worried about right now is Colonel Canada: Inside Scuffle. They’re introducing the character of Greenery, the lady who controls plants, and she’s not all that popular in the comics. If she’s not standing around filling whole panels about how her tulip bulb collections enrich the lives of all who visit Superhero HQ, she’s generally trying to fight and getting knocked out in four seconds. I only question her inclusion because I care, being something of a garden enthusiast myself. I myself own tulips, and I can say that while they’re gorgeous flowers, they’re not Earth-shattering. Greenery always did preach a bit too much.

See, if she belonged to PC, they’d reboot her character into being dark and gritty like she was in the 90s (though to be fair, a lot of heroes were also that in the 90s). They made it so she went nuts and started trying to cover America in hyacinths, because she thought in her madness that there was going to be an alien invasion and they could only be repelled by hyacinths. Oh, and then there was the big crisis crossover where it’s revealed that there were aliens living on Earth the whole time, and they WERE weak to both hyacinths and hyacinth bulbs, and Greenery was suddenly not crazy anymore and the heroes welcomed her back with open arms. No mention was ever made of her temporary insanity ever again.

I hope the Inside Scuffle version is more grounded and useful. Still, they’ve done a great job of keeping her out of the marketing. Haven’t even seen a glimpse of green in any of the trailers so far.

-Bruce

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