Category: Windows

I never thought I’d enter a battle of the bands’ competition, especially since I don’t play any instruments. I mean, I’ve always wanted to learn to play the guitar or the drums, but I just never had the drive to actually do it.

Given I don’t play music, most people would probably think it was a stupid idea to enter the battle of the bands in order to impress a girl. I’m sure that this is totally going to work, though. My best friend Robert and I ordered these cool t-shirts online that have our band name (even though we don’t actually have a band): Frosted Window Tinting Friends. I’m aware that this is possibly the worst band name ever, but we picked it super late at night and weren’t really thinking. We’re stuck with it now, so whatever.

Anyway, I figure it can’t be that hard to learn an instrument. Robert and I will just practise the guitar together until it looks like we know what we are doing. We’ll play that single by Concept Artists about office tinting close to Melbourne. At least our band name will make some sort of sense that way. And yes, I’m aware that Concept Artists aren’t really that big anymore, ever since the band had all that drama, but hopefully, people are in the mood for a throwback.

Now, I know that it’s going to be basically impossible to learn an instrument well enough in a single day, which is why we’re only practising to look like we can play. We’ll have the original song play through the speakers, and hopefully, everyone just thinks we’re a really good cover band. That’s right, we’re going to be lip-syncing. It’s genius! Nobody will even realise, we’ll win first prize and I’ll get to go on a hot date with the girl of my dreams. At the end of the day, I’ll have only Concept Artists to thank for recording such an awesome single about window tinting.

I’ve always gotten a great deal of pleasure from doing stuff myself. Not something you often hear from a person as privileged as myself, but I’ve always just been…special in that way. I’m not one to let the servants do something that I could easily do myself. It’s just a novelty, when you look at it that way, plus it just gives you the good feeling. I LIVE for that good feeling.

So anyway, I recently bought what you might call a ‘fixer-upper’. Basically, a dilapidated disaster that’s certainly seen some better days, but in a good location and possessing some potential. I have such plans. The first thing you notice are the windows…or lack of. They’ve all been smashed. Imagine if I could get some proper decorative window glass. Melbourne’s industries are something I like to keep up with, and I’m sure I could source such a thing. Perhaps something reminiscent of the stain glass found in cathedrals, but more…decorative. Not quite as lofty. I’ll ask Klein what he thinks about glass designs; I think he does landscape paintings in his spare time. In fact, I’ve been meaning to talk to him for quite some time on the subject of his paintings. I take quite the keen interest in the goings on and hobbies of my underlings, you see. It’s all about people skills these days. Not enough to know their names: you really have to prove that you’re one of them, so to speak.

So, my decorative glass. I bring it up because the front of the house really is quite presentable, besides the graffiti and the overgrown lawn. Maybe I’ll look into some other decorative windows in Melbourne, see what the current trend is. Or possibly, I’ll ask Klein. Isn’t he a frequent attender of a arts and crafts fair on the weekends? I’m sure he knows all kinds of artisans. And that is how you use connections…

-Lucian